“Everybody’s Got an Opinion”—How to Tell Who’s Full of Shit (and Who to Trust) When You’re Planning Your Wedding

If you thought planning a wedding meant you’d just get to hang out on Pinterest and try cakes, you’re about to get a reality check: everyone—and I mean your mom, your best friend, the coworker who’s been married three times, the barista at Starbucks, and probably your dog’s Instagram followers—will have advice for you. Most of it? Hot garbage.

Welcome to the Unsolicited Advice Olympics

From the second you get engaged, people come out of the woodwork to tell you what you “absolutely have to do.” You’ll hear shit like:

• “If you don’t have a receiving line, people will think you’re rude.” 
• “You can’t have a first look, it’s bad luck.” 
• “You must do a bouquet toss—or your marriage is doomed.” 
• “Don’t invite kids. Or wait, you have to invite kids, or people will be pissed.” 

Listen, there’s no right answer, and everyone giving you their “secret to the perfect day” is mostly just projecting their own hang-ups, regrets, or controlling mother-in-law issues onto you. The only thing you actually need to do is filter that shit out before you lose your mind.

The Only People You Should Be Listening To

1. Yourself and Your Partner
   Nobody—not your mom, not your aunt, not your wedding planner—gets a vote on what matters more than you two. If you want to elope on a mountain in matching pajamas, or throw a 200-person rager with a taco truck and drag show, do it. 
2. Your Wedding Pros (if they’re actual pros)
   People who work weddings for a living have seen everything. If your photographer, planner, or DJ says, “Hey, trust us on the timing,” or “Here’s why we do it this way,”—listen! Pros keep shit moving, avoid disasters, and (unlike your cousin) actually care if the day is fun and runs smooth. 
3. Anyone paying for the whole damn thing
   If someone else is dropping a big chunk of change, they get a voice—but not a veto. Compromise where you must. Stand your ground everywhere else. 

Who NOT to Listen To

• Anyone who starts a sentence with “At my wedding…” and then looks smug. 
• Bitter divorced relatives (self-explanatory). 
• That one friend who thinks the world will end if you don’t serve vegan, gluten-free, farm-to-table beet salad. 
• Random people in Facebook groups. 
• Vendors who get offended if you want to do something different (you don’t work for them, they work for you). 

Here’s the Secret Sauce

The best weddings? They’re the ones where the couple said “fuck it,” blocked out the noise, and planned the party they actually wanted. The food was hot, the music was loud, the photos were real, and nobody gave a damn if the playlist was weird or the cake was from Costco. The only regrets I ever hear about are when couples let other people run the show.

If you want a wedding that feels like you, pick the advice that hits home and dump the rest in the trash. Seriously—your day, your rules.

Want the only wedding advice that isn’t bullshit?

Find real tips, real stories, and real wedding pros at Engaged AF Magazine and see how it’s done at Epoch Moment.